Enough.

Today is day one. I should post a picture- I will eventually, I just can't bring myself to do it today.

I weigh 145- while it's not the heaviest I've been ( I reached 160 sometime last summer), I. Have. Had. Enough. This is too much on my 5'2" frame and knees and quite frankly on my psyche. I am stunned when I see pictures of myself. I know the way I feel and how that impacts the rest of my outlook on life.

My diet was okay for a long time and then I slipped into some really bad habits- soda and mayo and less fruit and vegetables and more rice and pasta. Of course, I cannot forget my biggest downfall- french fries. I can walk aaway from chocolate in a heartbeat but french fries pave my own personal path to hell. Since November, I've gotten markedly better again - very little caffeiene, more fruits and veggies, smaller portions, a major cut down in the amount of snacking. That's where I got the first fifteen back. About a month ago I swore off french fries- which means I only have them once in a while. And I rarely eat more than a few. Compare that to Wendy's twice a week and at least once more eating dinner out someplace and I feel like I've made real progress.

But exercise has been a bigger issue. The truth is that it's really hard for me to exercise when I'm not already in shape. And as a mother of two with more than full-time work and a husband who is working a tremendous amount of hours, I haven't had the luxury of many choices about when I can work out. Although I will be the first to admit that it hasn't been a priority and there are places where I can work some exercise into my life.

So today is about no more excuses. I'm fed up. There is so much in my life right now that feels like it's spinning out of control and this is one place where I can have a direct influence. I need to reclaim some of my own strength in my life.

I started this morning with Jillian Michael's DVD "The 30 Day Shred". She's not screwing around. I got done and my quads were so taxed I almost couldn't stand up. I like her methods- she's supportive, but doesn't coddle. She wants you injury free but that isn't an excuse for taking it easy. She is the first to admit that if you want to look good, you have to work hard at it and she expects that out of everyone whether you want to lose 1o lbs. or 310lbs.

My goal weight right now is 124. I don't know if that's realistic or not. But for now it feels real. This one workout DVD won't do it for me, but my plan is for this to be a gateway- to get my fitness level up again to the point where it is easy and fun again and makes me want to find more time to workout.

I don't know who is still checking up on me around here, but I needed a place to post and make it real. I'm throwing my intention out to the Universe so there are some stakes involved. I'll keep you posted.

I wonder what it means--

when the girls play pretend and I am always referred to as the "Grandmother?"

Okay, so I'm really behind these days blogging -- and in everything else in my life.  It's not that I don't think about it, not that I don't want to do it,  but, well, you know how it goes.  Funny thing about that life stuff- it just keeps plowing along.  Sometimes I'm driving that big yellow plow but lately, I've been caught up in the swirl of rocks and snow and debris spinning around the concave blade, spat out on the side of the road until another plow follows in it's wake.

(Jeez, you'd think I was from Maine ambushing you with a snowplow metaphor like that.)

Anyway, the Pickle did manage to turn seven in January in case any of you are wondering.  I baked another silly cake, this year dipping my toe into the process of fondant.  It was a spa theme and for the first time, we had the cake at our house instead of the community club house. She originally wanted a rock and roll party, but I figured if we were going to have 20 girls in our tiny little house, perhaps the theme should be a bit more-- calming.

I finished my eight-month coaching class a couple of weeks ago.  I'll be starting another one in a month or so (not as long as the first one) as I meander my way towards certification. Certification is not required in coaching but it's definitely an important element IMHO.  The way I see it, if I am helping somebody change their life, wouldn't it be great if I had some extensive training to help them do it and a governing body (in this case, the International Coaching Federation) to say, "Hey, not only is Regina legally allowed to do it, we actually think she is qualified to do it!"  I'm working on a website that I hope to have live in a couple of weeks.  I'll keep you posted.

Pepper is a magical three year old.  She's full of life and creativity and enthusiasm and self-expression.  I actually love three.  Both the girls have navigated it well, avoiding most of the temper tantrums and stalwart willfulness and embracing the fun and the explosion of learning and putting themselves out there into the world.  It's a delicious time for me.  I try to drink it all in as much as possible.

That's me in a nutshell.  The fog that's covered my brain for months is starting to disperse and I'm wanting to return here and write more.  I hope I will.  I hope those of you that have been out there also continue to come back here too.  I like meeting up with you once in a while.

It is finished

11:27pm.  I can breathe again.

And now we are three

Here is the cake:

(Hard to believe it was homemade, huh?)

That caused this face:

(She still has a blue ring around her mouth)

The Pepper turned three on Saturday. It was a day filled with presents such as this awesome set of bongos that Pickle came up with all by herself:

There was also a double doll stroller, play kitchen toys and a stuffed dolphin.

Then it was off to lunch at Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger --- which ironically, has some of the best vegetarian fast food in the city. Following that was a trip to the local toy store to see The Great Zucchini perform. This guy is the Pied Piper of children's performers. We could never afford to have him for a birthday party but the show was small and he found out beforehand that it was Pepper's birthday so he made a big deal of it as if it were her own party. At the end, she shyly walked up to him and said, "Thank you Mr. Chini for coming to my birthday."

Next stop: Chuck E. Cheese. My eyes are still bleeding, but the girls love it. We only hit it about four times a year which is pretty good since we live less than two miles from the place.

FYI, Saturday visits...bad.

Then we were off for the annual picnic at Pickle's school where she won:

The cakewalk.


Because really, who doesn't need four pounds of cake in the house at one time? Add to that, we have a small party at Pepper's daycare tomorrow with, yup, cupcakes.

You can have your cake and eat it too, it just makes you really, really nauseous.

The best book ever!

Anyone Can Build a Tub-Style Mechanical Chicken Plucker
Pluck a chicken in 15 seconds with one finger? You bet! With a little mechanical ability, basic carpentry skills and some scrounging of parts, you can build your plucker for less than $500. The perfect addition to a small-scale poultry operation. Easy-to-read, step-by-step instructions for making your own plucker. (Also plucks turkeys, geese and ducks.) Kimball, 8 1/2"x11", 60 pp.

I'm getting you one for Christmas.

You can thank me later.

A Smoothie By Any Other Name

We are raising vegetarian children who don't eat vegetables.  Yup.  Pickle will occasionally allow a piece of broccoli to cross her lips, but mostly she'll only eat it if it has a certain sauce from a certain Chinese restaurant in town.  I have tried to duplicate the sauce to no avail.  She'll eat tiny mushroom fragments in a particular brand of couscous.  But other than that, she turns her nose up. Pepper is a little more adaptable but it sort of depends which way the wind is blowing and whether or not she can eat it directly off mine or her father's plate.

Fruit is a different story.  The girls LOVE fruit. They will even chose fruit over candy (okay, not all the time, but still...) and eat plenty of it.

But man, the vegetables.

Even though we don't eat meat, they basically eat the same sort of things most kids eat these days: pizza, chicken nuggets (soy), pasta, hot dogs (soy), yogurt, peanut butter.

I put veggies out at dinner, but I don't demand that they eat them.  This is a personal parenting preference, but I think that forcing them to eat something they don't want might help them in the short-term but not for a lifetime of eating well and making good food choices.  And once in a while, the girls try something new- we haven't stumbled upon any gold mines yet, but I remain hopeful.

It's ironic that as a child, the only vegetables I ate were corn and potatoes. Although there was an occasional apple and a few bananas here and there.  I was eighteen and at a college cafeteria when I suddenly had an inexplicable urge for the canned peaches at the salad bar.  Two years later I began my journey away from eating meat.

The point of all this is that I have started "supplementing" food.  My hope is that sooner rather than later we will stumble into some more nutritious and adventurous eating on the part of the Pickle and the Pepper. Until then, I add shredded zucchini to potato pancakes, tiny little imperceivible carrots to sweet potato slices or spaghetti sauce (which is suspect in and of itself to the girls) and the occasional pepper into whatever I think I can successfully hide it.  

And my newest discovery:  Spinach to the smoothies. 

I didn't believe the websites when they said the girls wouldn't notice, but low and behold: the color doesn't change much and the taste is the same.

I just have to get up twenty minutes earlier than them now so they can't what I put into it.  I'll tell them the truth when they hit college.