Enough.

Today is day one. I should post a picture- I will eventually, I just can't bring myself to do it today.

I weigh 145- while it's not the heaviest I've been ( I reached 160 sometime last summer), I. Have. Had. Enough. This is too much on my 5'2" frame and knees and quite frankly on my psyche. I am stunned when I see pictures of myself. I know the way I feel and how that impacts the rest of my outlook on life.

My diet was okay for a long time and then I slipped into some really bad habits- soda and mayo and less fruit and vegetables and more rice and pasta. Of course, I cannot forget my biggest downfall- french fries. I can walk aaway from chocolate in a heartbeat but french fries pave my own personal path to hell. Since November, I've gotten markedly better again - very little caffeiene, more fruits and veggies, smaller portions, a major cut down in the amount of snacking. That's where I got the first fifteen back. About a month ago I swore off french fries- which means I only have them once in a while. And I rarely eat more than a few. Compare that to Wendy's twice a week and at least once more eating dinner out someplace and I feel like I've made real progress.

But exercise has been a bigger issue. The truth is that it's really hard for me to exercise when I'm not already in shape. And as a mother of two with more than full-time work and a husband who is working a tremendous amount of hours, I haven't had the luxury of many choices about when I can work out. Although I will be the first to admit that it hasn't been a priority and there are places where I can work some exercise into my life.

So today is about no more excuses. I'm fed up. There is so much in my life right now that feels like it's spinning out of control and this is one place where I can have a direct influence. I need to reclaim some of my own strength in my life.

I started this morning with Jillian Michael's DVD "The 30 Day Shred". She's not screwing around. I got done and my quads were so taxed I almost couldn't stand up. I like her methods- she's supportive, but doesn't coddle. She wants you injury free but that isn't an excuse for taking it easy. She is the first to admit that if you want to look good, you have to work hard at it and she expects that out of everyone whether you want to lose 1o lbs. or 310lbs.

My goal weight right now is 124. I don't know if that's realistic or not. But for now it feels real. This one workout DVD won't do it for me, but my plan is for this to be a gateway- to get my fitness level up again to the point where it is easy and fun again and makes me want to find more time to workout.

I don't know who is still checking up on me around here, but I needed a place to post and make it real. I'm throwing my intention out to the Universe so there are some stakes involved. I'll keep you posted.

I wonder what it means--

when the girls play pretend and I am always referred to as the "Grandmother?"