I'm in the middle of two blissful uninterrupted hours at home. By myself. With nothing that I have to do. Well, that's not exactly true, but I decided that I would take these two hours and claim them as my own. No laundry, no cleaning, no doing for others. These are mine. They are delicious and I don't have to share with anyone. So there....nyah.
Pickle has an after-school playdate with one of her classmates so I don't have to be at school to pick her up. Since I'm already paying for full-time day care for the Pepper, I decided to leave her there late. I feel as if I am playing hooky.
By far, the hardest thing about these hours for me is to resist the urge to "do something." My mind keeps wandering back to what errands I could run, what I could clean or organize, what bills I could pay, etc. The little chattering monkeys in my head won't stop their assault - 'What if you just vacuum for ten minutes? Then we could let it go." But they couldn't, not really. After vacuuming would be laundry and filing and cleaning floors or changing sheets - you get the idea. They're little drug dealers offering little hits of self-satisfaction for completing some task that will edge me into the next hit and the next and the next until I'm rushing to get to Pepper before daycare closes and chiding myself for not actually taking time for myself.
Last night there was a presentation at Pickle's school about stress and preschoolers. They brought in a panel of LCSW's to talk about how stress affects kids today and what we can do about it. Three of the biggest offenders of stress in preschoolers are expectations, over-scheduling and absorption.
In general, we expect too much from our kids. Especially smart kids, good kids and kids who seem to excel in some area or another. We expect them to be perfect; we expect them to not melt down when they are tired, hot or hungry. We expect them to remember things because it's easy for us to remember them. I remember being ten and worrying because I hadn't figured out what I wanted to be when I grew up. If I knew then that I'd be 36 and asking the same question, I would have been apoplectic. Even knowing this, this is one of those things I am most guilty of especially with the Pickle. She seems so wise and old and together sometimes that it's hard for me to remember she is five years old. And that is very little.
It's no surprise that kids today are overscheduled. I have to say that is one thing that I am really conscious of. Pickle takes dance. That's it. That's plenty. Pepper is not in a tumbling class or a music class - she has daycare. A daycare that I chose carefully where she gets little to no time in front of a TV and a wonderful daycare provider who is engaged and makes sure the kids socialize and have lots of fun. Lots of Pickles friends take dance and gymnastics or soccer and music and...well, who knows what. They're always running off somewhere. And while sometimes I worry that she might enjoy other activities as well, I try to remember that extracurricular activities never take the place of free time in the space of a child.
What was surprising to me, although I'm not sure why now that I have heard it, is how much over-scheduling of the rest of the family adds stress to a child's life. Parents work many hours and then cram teacher's meetings, church, parties, errands, other sibling's activities and then suddenly, there isn't much time left over for play. And play is important, the most important thing a kid can do.
Then there is absorption- kids pick up on so much. Especially overly sensitive kids, like Pickle. Any conversation about money or disagreements with spouses or negative talk, they soak it up and worry about it over and over again. Limiting this dynamic is very important, and again, something I'm not very good at lately. But hearing it last night made me resolve to do better.
The anecdote for all of this? Play, play, play. Kids need time to play by themselves, but they really need time to play with us. When we're ok, they're ok. If we're having fun, they are too. It's time for us all to chill a little more and make sure we fit in all those things that we profess are most important to us but of which we often neglect.
Breathing and mindfulness and yoga and all those trendy things are fine but what we all need is to blow bubbles and play with playdoh and find animals in the clouds a little more.
As for me, I think there are some blocks calling my name.
1 comment:
Good for you for doing nothing. It's so hard, isn't it? Last night, everyone else went to bed and I could have cleaned up the kitchen, done my freelance work or a million other things. But I baked cookies and watched tv (til way too late!). Our kids have so much more going on than we did at their ages, and I am not always sure it's a good thing.
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